


ghost (i'm searching for something that i can't reach)

by orphan_account



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Closure, F/F, F/M, Ghosts, also lydia screams a lot and scott probably cries #confirmed, and this is how everyone gets closure, basically allison is dead, kissing mention, sad endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 12:06:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4521312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>or: how everyone finds closure, but lydia finds it last.</p>
            </blockquote>





	ghost (i'm searching for something that i can't reach)

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from "ghost" by halsey aka my wife it's such a good song please listen to it  
> this is very angsty and it was written out of my hatred for jeff davis for killing off allison  
> i'm still very salty and anyways this was thought of while i was running during cross country and it blossomed from there bc im actually allydia trash

           It starts with Scott.

           Lydia’s begun to notice a pattern. Everything begins with Scott. If it wasn’t for Scott, she wouldn’t be a Banshee with voices in her head. If it wasn’t for Scott, Stiles wouldn’t have been possessed by a Nogitsune. If it wasn’t for Scott, the Alpha pack wouldn’t have come, and Jennifer wouldn’t have tried to destroy everyone.

           Sometimes, things end with Scott, too.

           Things like Allison.

           (Lydia doesn’t blame him, though. Really, she doesn’t. Scott is a good guy with a good head on his shoulders. She’s just a little bitter that Allison gave more love to him than she ever did to her.)

           And because everything starts with Scott, it’s only natural that Allison would start with Scott.

           Lydia’s dutifully paying attention to the lecture her mom is giving—not that she needs to, she knows it all anyways—when something makes her heart race.

           Her hearing is attuned to a level of the world that almost no one else can hear. That’s what Peter had said. She doesn’t have super hearing, like werewolves, but her ear catches the slightest whisper coming from Scott’s direction. Her head whips around just in time to see Scott’s eye widen in surprise. And then, Lydia hears the words: “Scott, I love you. I’m so proud of you.”

           She stops. Stares. And screams.

           Because she knows that voice.

           It’s Allison.

 

-

 

           She’s escorted out of class and to the nurse’s office. She waves the officer off with a smile and an “I thought I saw a beetle.”

           And then she’s free.

           The bell rings shortly after, and Scott files out of class looking like he’s just had a holy experience. His eyes lock in on her and he nearly flies over to her, skidding to a stop just before he can knock her down. “Lydia,” he says, his mouth curving up into a melancholy smile. “Did you hear her, too?”

           She twists her face into a confused expression, then says: “Hear who?”

           “Allison!” Scott nearly shouts. “I, I heard her say, ‘Scott, I love you. I’m proud of you,’ and then I felt a hand on the back of my neck and lips on my cheek but there wasn’t anyone there and I’m, I’m convinced it was Allison. I’d know her voice anywhere.”

_So would I_ , Lydia thinks a little sourly, but she forces her face into a simpering grin. “Maybe you’re the one who needs to go to the nurse, Scott. I know a lot of supernatural things exist in this world, but ghosts aren’t one of them.”

           His face falls. “Didn’t you—didn’t you scream because you heard her?”

           “No, Scott. I screamed because I thought I saw a beetle.”

           “Everything we’ve seen—the Nogitsune, the Darach, the Alpha pack—and you’re scared of beetles?”

           “Irrational fears. Everyone has them. There’s really nothing you can do about it.” Lydia says, shrugging, and the look on Scott’s face is enough to make her feel just a little bit guilty about lying to him. Not guilty enough, though, to tell him the truth.

           “I—“ Scott starts, and Lydia cuts him off.

           “Sorry, Scott. I have to go to class. Talk later?”

           “I, I….yeah,” He says resignedly, adjusting his book bag on his shoulder. “See you later.”

           When he leaves, Lydia takes a deep breath.

           Everything about Allison—even just talking about her—has always taken her breath away.

 

-

 

            The next is Isaac.

            It happens when Lydia isn’t there, but she hears it from the others later. A whispered, “I love you, you know,” and then a kiss on the cheek. “Stay safe. Be careful.”

            When Isaac bounces up to them, a smile on his face, it takes all she has for Lydia to fake a smile and say to Scott, “Maybe it is Allison.”

            He doesn’t hear, though. He’s too busy embracing Isaac to really care about anything else.

            She wonders when it will be her turn. Would it happen in school, or at home? Maybe in her room? She and Allison had spent a lot of time there, laughing and studying.

            Ever since Allison died, there has been a knife in her heart, and just the thought of Allison’s laugh twists it just a little bit.

            Lydia wants to scream.

 

-

 

            For some odd, bizarre reason, it happens to Stiles next. He and Lydia had been driving home from the sheriff’s station, when suddenly he jumped out of his seat and the car swerved off the road. And then Lydia heard it: “I miss you, Stiles. Take care of everyone, but especially yourself, okay?”

            Stiles’s eyes look wild when he turns to Lydia. “You heard that too, didn’t you?”

            She smiles and lifts her hand to pick at her nails. “Not a word.”

 

-

 

            The list keeps coming. Derek, Cora, Kira, Malia, Peter, Chris, Kate, Gerard. Chris cries when he hears his daughter’s words: “We protect those who cannot protect themselves. I love you.”

            Everyone asks Lydia, “Have you heard her?”

            Lydia just smiles and says, “Not at all.”

 

-

 

            It’s a cold, cloudy winter day when she finally hears it. She’s out in the woods for a walk—probably a bad idea, she knows—and there it is. A hand brushing the back of her neck tenderly, and Allison’s breath on her ear.

            Before Allison can say anything, Lydia explodes. “You’re a bitch for leaving me for last, you know? Everyone’s heard you, and I’ve just sat here and suffered in silence and waited and waited and it never happened. I hate you.”

            Allison appears in her mind, her lips bright red from the cold air, and her hair up in a ponytail. She’s wearing a scarf, and her leather jacket and jeans. The ache in Lydia’s chest intensifies, and the knife twists again. Lydia doesn’t know if she wants to punch Allison or kiss her. Probably both. A laugh escapes from Allison and she says, “No, you don’t. You miss me.”

            “I don’t. I hate you.” Lydia exclaims, and suddenly Allison is right in front of her, bright red lips and all. She’s exactly how Lydia imagined her, and it hurts _so badly_ that Allison is just close enough to reach out and touch again, but she can’t.

            “You miss me. And I also know,” Allison says playfully, dancing around to Lydia’s side to finish the sentence in Lydia’s ear: “that you want to kiss me.”

            Lydia flushes bright red, the exact same color as Allison’s lips, the lips she’s wanted to kiss since the first time she’d seen them.

            “Ah, you’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” Allison smiles, and Lydia can practically _hear_ the love in her voice when she says: “Don’t worry. I am too.”

            “I can’t kiss you, though,” Lydia says, “because you’re not real.”

            “No, you can’t.” Allison agrees, albeit a little sadly. “But just know that I want to, okay? I’ve wanted to since I first got to know you. Not the popular, bitchy Lydia that put up a front. The one that’s smart and hid it for her boyfriend’s sake. The one who’d give up her life for her friends. The one who figures it out, the one who can save the day.”

            “You call me bitchy, but you’re the one making me cry,” Lydia says, inhaling sharply in an attempt not to cry.

            Allison laughs then, loud and bright and clear, and says: “I miss you. I love you. I’m sorry I had to go.”

            “Yeah, I am, too.”

            “I’ll see you again, though. I’m always with you. And don’t forget: I want to kiss you, too.”

            And then Allison is gone.

            Lydia screams.

 

-

 

            She screams until her lungs burn and her vision is spotty. She screams until she almost passes out. She screams until Scott appears out of the woods, eyes Alpha red, and picks her up and holds her against his chest. He waits until her breathing has slowed and makes sure she’s calmed down before he asks, “What happened?”

            “Allison,” Lydia says simply. “I saw her. She appeared. We talked. I screamed.”

            “Wait—she _appeared_? How does she look? Does she look healthy and happy? Is she doing okay? Does she miss us? What did she say?”

            “She’s still beautiful. I don’t know how she’s doing, but she looks happy. She misses us, Scott, you know that. She told you that. And she, uh…” Lydia trails off. “Told me that she wanted to kiss me.”

            “Oh,” Scott says. “Oh.”

            “I’m sorry,” she says, but she’s not really sorry.

            “It’s…It’s okay. We’re not together anymore. So…it’s okay.”

            Lydia hums in response, and Scott sets her down. “Should we, uh, walk back?” Scott asks, smiling.

            “Sure,” Lydia says.

             And they begin the walk back.

 

-

 

            “Hey, Lydia.”

            “Yeah?”

            “Did you want to kiss her too?”

            “Yes.”

            “Oh.” And then: “Did you ever?”

            “No.”

            “I’m sorry.”

            “It’s fine. Nothing I can do about it now.” She shrugs.

 

-

 

           Later, in her room, Lydia doesn’t scream.

            She just sits quietly on her bed and begins to cry.


End file.
